The Fairly Odd Child

I get a lot of kids in this joint.

Most of them babies.. that cry.. I hate babies/children in general, so when they cry.. it's war. The battle usually ends with a victory for me, by the time the child leaves they've usually learned the act of sticking out their tongue at strangers (thanks in large part to moi!) I will admit that there are some kids that come in here that I genuinely enjoy seeing, but those are few and far between.

Anyway, two dudes come in today and they each have a kid. One boy, one girl.. they're both probably 7 or 8. The boy is just WEIRD (he likes The Bee Gees, wtf?!) and the girl I've never seen before but she's wearing a rainbow printed dress so we can only assume that she's already a lesbian.

I tried avoiding them the whole time they were here but the kids kept asking me fucking questions about movies. Like where Saturday Night Fever was, I say Cult and the boy doesn't know how to say cult.. so I try explaining "it's like cunt but with a L instead." Then the primalesbian takes it to a WHOLE new level.

Kid- "Hi, what's your name?"
..at this point she holds out her hand.. WHAT THE FUCK?! Do I shake her hand? It's so small, have you ever shook an eight year old's hand?? It's like the size of my palm, fucking awkward
Me- "Miranda"
Young person- "Hi, I'm Faith*"
Me- "Hi Faith"
Child- "What's your favorite animal"
Me- "Starnosed mole"
Juvenile- "Oh, cool.. mine's a horse, I love horses! I ride horses all the time because my mom's friend has horses so I ride those and it's so fun!"
..I ignore her for a few seconds..
Bambino- "I bet you could ride horses too! Just go to a public stable!"
Me- "Like oh my god, you're probably right! I love horses too!! OMG OMG!"
..then she walks away..

Lucky for her she didn't catch onto my sarcasm, lucky for ME because I was able to capture a picture of her. Observe:

Now, it sounds like I HATE children and I'm absolutely evil and am constantly mean to them. That's not necessarily true, it's just that most children have an anti-kid radar and sense me from a mile away and know to steer clear of me.. so in retrospect I don't interact with children all that much.

I'm NOT evil! I'm just missing that child sensitivity chip that most people seem to have..

*Names have been changed

xoxo