xXx

Watching porn at work is sooo hard to do here. Especially since there's a window right behind the computer so people walking by outside can look in and see what I'm doing online.

Well today I tried watching this n00dz video a friend sent me (he said he thought it was me at first) so I just had to watch it. And in all honesty.. this 'emo chick getting fucked on webcam' DOES look like me. A LOT.

And of course the first scene is some dude eating out this twin of mine. And OF COURSE my computer freezes at that exact moment and a wave of people walk by outside. I had to throw my body across my computer like I was blocking it from a Bullitt. I wasn't able to close the screen for a good 3 minutes. I did try and watch some more bits and pieces of it though.. and daaaaamn, that girl GETS IT! (And gives it)

NSFW! Incase you're interested in what I probably look like blowjobbing someone..

xoxo

Errry Day I'm Tumblr'in

I got a Tumblr for the inbetween.

http://www.murderanda.tumblr.com/

xoxo

Just Around The River Bend

I should have looked once more.

Yesterday my best friend Allie woke me up to a text "We're going to go float down the river. So wake up." (I had planned on laying in bed all day and watching movies, but I decided to agree to do something different.) We go buy beer and Mike's Hard Lemonade (her beverage of choice) and then head to the river. We brought everything we needed, life jackets, Sunblock [spf 80!] a cooler, sunglasses and a rape whistle. It was my very first time floating down the river (I'm afraid crocodiles are going to eat me so I never go more than eyeBALL deep. Thanks Lake Placid!) To my surprise it's extremely fun. There were some rapids which freaked me out but turns out they're actually exciting to go over. Except, somehow we always managed to get shot strait to the side where all the trees/branches were.

An hour into it we see our first group of people. Six guys actually. We 'tried' to paddle away from them but we accidently got too close. (Close enough to see if they were cute or not.) We all trade glances and then float on (alright. already.) then I hear "HEY! Do you work at Videorama?!" I would just like to point out that I am on a raft, in the middle of the river, 35 miles away from my work. And I STILL manage to run into a customer. I tried to get their name so I could look them up at work but by that time we were too far away to hear. Half an hour later I have to pee so we pull up onto a little island in the middle of the river, I pee in it, then bend over to get back in the raft and I hear six loud guys scream "NICE ASS!! WOOHOO!!" Why thank you gentlemen. I do squats daily. At this point we're pretty much all floating together, it was the current, not our intention. A little while later our destination was in sight and the water was only waist deep so I decided to get in and swim with some of the other guys. This is where things get interesting..

I jump in, it's not that cold but the water is really fast and I couldn't really stand. I got kind of freaked out at how fast and strong the current was (and I didn't have a lifejacket on) so I decided to try and walk/swim over to Allie who at this point had dragged the raft to shore. I yelled at Allie that I couldn't stop because of the current. It was funny at first. I was laughing, she was laughing. But I really couldn't stop. Then the water got really deep and I got really scared. I couldn't really stay above the water and I started screaming. But I saw a huge slab of concrete in the water and it was only 30 feet away and people were jumping off of it so I thought "Thank god, I'll slam into that and be able to climb ontop of it." Well that couldn't have been further from what happened. Yes, I did slam into it but I didn't climb ontop of it. I got sucked under the water. Now, I'm under the water, trying to reach the top, I look up and I can see that there's about a foot of water above me. I tried swimming as hard, as fast as I possibly could to the top. The only thing I thought was "Not now, not like this." Then I realized I was about to die by drowning and I opened my mouth to welcome the water into my lungs. JUST as I had closed my eyes and given up I felt a hand pull me up and hold my head above water while the guy swam to shore. "The Guy" turned out to be an eleven year old boy named Dakota. Out of all the people that were on the shore at the time, an eleven year old was the one to jump in the water and save my life.

I still feel sick from all the river water I consumed and I still cry when I think about it (it happened YESTERDAY, and I still came to work.) I tried calling my mom and grandma to let them know what happened but my whole family is at a Family Reunion in Montana where there isn't any cell phone reception. (Ha, everyone gets back and my friend Allie has to tell them, hey guys, how was the trip? Miranda died.)

Ironic, I feel, that Friday I spent the morning in the bathtub practicing holding my breath. And then spent the afternoon at Barnes & Noble where I purchased "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" because I have a fear of dying.

At least now I know I want to live.

Pre Near Death Experience Photos

A lot of good those life jackets did.

xoxo

MISERy

Tell Jesus THE BITCH is back!

This woman and her awkwardly tall husband started coming back into the store. They STILL have a $2 late fee they refuse to pay but I just don't want to deal with them more than I have to so I turn a blind eye. Well the HO crossed the line today.

She walks in and says "Wow, that tattoo of the flower on your arm is so pretty!" "Thanks.." "Show it to me" ..I show it to her.. "Oh, eww never mind." ..and she walks away and proceeds to tell her husband who is a whopping 12 feet away from me "At first I thought her tattoo was pretty but I looked at it closely and it has a zombie woman attached to it! Yuck."

First of all, she doesn't like zombies so she's even lamer than before. And it's a pretty zombie girl to boot! (I didn't think she could suck any harder! Although I'm sure her husband wishes she did.) AND WHO SAYS THIS OUTLOUD TO SOMEONE?! Have some tact woman!

Christ, this woman really gets to me. Whenever I see her face I just want to cut it off. I have a feeling she has a tramp stamp. And not the cool kind either.

xoxo

She obviously has no idea what she's talking about. (Why do I care so much?!)

P.S. Two guys walked into my work today and ask me to take picture of them together. (Definately a first) So I do.. then the guy turns around and takes a picture of me, says thanks and then leaves. Again, is this a flattering or insulting joke type of thing? I'm skeptical. At least if the picture shows up online I am fully clothed. (Which is more than I can say for the pictures I took this morning)

P.P.S. Mark Waddles was just in :] He knows me by name. FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT. Google the man.

Me Without You

Because I can.


xoxo

Videorama's Finest

Either I'm the best prank puller ever or I just think I'm the funniest person alive.

Earlier today my manager was on the phone with a customer and I walked by the computer. I immediately noticed he had been right in the middle of writing an email when he stopped to answer the phone. I didn't even bother to check to see who the email was to, I just wrote the first thing that came to mind. (Cocksucking is my life.) I pressed 'Enter' about 30 times so it would be hidden at the very bottom of the email. His back was turned at the time so he hadn't noticed a thing and I tried my hardest not to laugh. (I'm really funny and just THINK hilarious things so I tend to laugh at myself all the time.)

He Hung up the phone. The time had come, would he notice what I wrote? Would I get away with this brilliant prank? Well kids, the answer to that is YES, yes I did get away with it.

He came over to the computer, wrote one last sentence, scanned over the ENTIRE thing and hit SEND. I didn't know what to think, surely he had seen what I wrote! (No, he didn't) Fifteen seconds after he sent it I asked "Did you really just send that?!" and fell down (literally) laughing. "WHAT DID YOU DOOOO?!" (The look on his face was priceless.) He went back to the sent email and then saw what I had written. We both laughed until we cried. Then he informed me who the email was to; an old gay guy who has had the hots for my manager for over 2 years. HOW PERFECT IS THAT!!! The ONE email I choose to defile and it's to a guy who wants to put his peen in my manager's booty. He quickly wrote him another email saying "Sadly, while cocksucking is not my life, it does happen to be my coworkers (who was the one to write that.) Miranda has now been fired. Sorry to get your hopes up."

We continued to laugh for a good 10 minutes after the whole incident. Clever is me.

xoxo

The "C" Word

It is official. My last day at Videorama will be August 11th 2010. (California here I come!)

Sad. I've been here since April 2008. This is the longest job I've ever had. When I told my manager I was for sure moving the first thing he said was "We have to get hammered at work together before you leave." DONE!

I shall carry on with my legacy and create a new blog after I move. I'll be going to a.. 'specialized' school in October so I have a pretty good idea what my next blog will be about :]

All in due time kids.

(Don't worry, this isn't my final entry.)

xoxo