I'ma break yo fone

A customer is waiting at the front desk for me..

He has that bluetooth headphone shit in his ear.. AND he's talking on his actual phone. Point of bluetooth being??? Anyway, I thought he was going to get off the phone.. I thought wrong.. this mother fucker stays on the phone the entire duration of checking out the movie. He literally doesn't say ONE word to me.

I ask for his last name and he just pushes his credit card towards me, so I eventually find him in the computer.. check the movie out to him and then asks if he wants a bag or his receipt.. he just completely ignores me and continues to talk on the phone! Listen mother fucker! Its awkward enough trying to ask you questions while you're talking to somebody else, but to IGNORE me! Don't be suprised if late fees pop up outta nowhere on your account you prick!

That is one of my biggest pet peeves! You do NOT talk on the phone while you're buying something.. I even think it's rude to just be walking around the store talking on the phone. I don't want to hear your conversation! I mean.. unless you're at Safeway or some big store where nobody can hear you.. then that's acceptable. But I could walk the length of this store in under 15 seconds.. so I hear EVERYYYTHING. Annoyyyyying!

I swear to god, the next time somebody is this rude I'm going to take one of our box cutters and shove it into their aorta.. while laughing.. and spitting on them..

This is what they're going to look like.. (pre blood spurting.)

xoxo

ROMCOM

A ton of girls always come into my work asking what a good romantic comedy is, being a horror lover myself I'm always stumped. It's at times like this where a romantic comedy section would come in handy. So,.. I made one! (Ladies, you're welcome) I did all the research and labor all myself! I'm pretty pleased actually, it came out quite nicely! And it turns out I've seen most of the movies in the section, (which isn't completely surprising, as I've seen almost every movie ever made.)

Observe:

The racks aren't completely full because most of the 'better known' or 'classic' romcoms happen to already be in the Director's Section and my manager wouldn't let me take them out of it. THEN, we got into an argument about how Juno should be taken out because it isn't a romantic comedy. Well, I won and all our copies of the movie now live in the land of love and laughter.

Thinking about romcoms nonstop for a week strait got me pondering.. who's the queen of romantic comedies?!? I did a bit of googling and it's become apparent that most people have decided on 3 leading ladies. Meg Ryan, Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts.. at first I decided that Meg Ryan got my vote. Then I realized, I wouldn't choose any of those actresses as the Romcom Queen! I choose..

Drew Barrymore!

She has got to be THE BEST! E.G. Never Been Kissed, Music & Lyrics, He's Just Not That Into You, Fever Pitch, 50 First Dates, Home Fries, The Wedding Singer, Lucky You (Romdramcom?) Not only has Drew been in as many, if not more romantic comedies than Julia Shmoolia and those other chicks, but she's been in better ones! Team Drew

xoxo

My 1st Recommendation!

Fridays at my work we receive all the next week's new releases, so I get the chance to watch all the new movies over the weekend. This way I'm able to accurately recommend movies to my customers and not just be like.. "oh, I've never seen it so I don't know.."

WELL!!!! Friday we got a bunch of movies in and I took home The Last House On The Left and the 3rd season of Dexter (I'll post about that when I've finished it.) Then Friday night I watched Last House on the Left, I've never said this before.. but.. I think I kinda like it better than the Craven's original 1972 version!!

I usually HATE horror remakes, so I went into this thinking that it was going to be pretty bad. Much to my surprise it was wonderful! I came into work today and went to IMDB to read all the reviews people had written about it and most people seem to agree with me.. the only bad things people had to say about it is that it's completely different from the original (that's one thing I actually like about it, kept me guessing until the very end!) and that the rape scene was brutal and completely unnecessary. The rape scene was brilliant! It's totally up front in your face amazingness. I loved how they only filmed a few seconds of the actual rape, and then the camera went strait to the girls face. Caught every expression, sound and movement she made during the entire thing. (It's safe to say the rape scene lasted a good minute and a half or more)

It was brutal, bloody and brilliant. AND! There wasn't any nudity! Unless you count seeing the side of a butt. Usually nudity is a requirement in horror movies for me, but it didn't bother me at all. The only things I didn't like were how towards the end it became predictable for me and the very last scene was kinda lame and dispensable. I think it was them trying to get in their last little "hurrah" of gore into the movie. Bleh.

Besides those 2 things, I liked it a lot. I'll definately be recommending it to customers when it comes out on Tuesday.

xoxo

Spanky Wanky

A short piece of non-fiction

The phone rings and a creepy Voice protrudes from the phone, "what kind of movies do you have?" says the man. The Girl, visibly frightened, whispers back "all kinds sir, is there one in particular you're looking for?" The Girl tries to get off the phone as fast as possible but the Voice keeps talking, asking questions. "Do you have XXX rated movies? Do you have movies about woman with natural hair? How dirty are your movies? Do you have toys?" The Voice, once solid at the beginning of the conversation is now a shaky breath, at this point The Girl on the other end of the line is confused and scared and tells the man to call back when he has a particular title in mind.

A few seconds pass, she's able to gather her feelings and try to forget about the call,.. The Voice. Just as she turns her back to the phone to start working again, the phone rings. "Hello?" It's The Voice again, firm and determined this time. "It's me, remember me? We just spoke.. are the movies you have dirty? What are their ratings? Do you have magazines there as well?" The Girl is rolling her eyes, she can't believe he actually called back. Wondering if this is some sort of prank call The Girl tells The Voice that there's another videostore with a broader selection of adult films, she politely gives him the number and hangs up the phone.

Another 20 seconds pass and the phone rings again. It's The Voice. He asks the same questions over and over, she gives in and just keeps answering question after question. The repetition goes on for approximately 3 minutes. The Girl wants to get off the phone, she never wants to hear The Voice again, she wants to scream through the phone and tell him to never call back. His voice is shallow now, cracking in the middle of sentences, he whispers "OK, I'm almost finished."

The Girl hangs up the phone, she stands there puzzled. "Did that really just happen?" she asks herself.. "Am I overreacting? Was The Voice just coming from an old and confused man?" She's shaking, she's upset, she goes back to work.

The man doesn't call back, but she'll never forget The Voice.

xoxo

Dearly Departed

I'm distraught



I've been putting this post off for a while now, in hopes that what I'm about to say wouldn't actually be true. Folks.. I finished watching the entire Sex and the City series.. I got done with it a few weeks ago actually.. and I'm STILL upset about it. It's hands down the greatest television show of ALL TIME. I cried and cried when it ended, and I don't care who knows! I know I'm a little behind on the times on this one, but at least I actually ended up watching it! (Thanks roomie!)

I've gotta tell you.. I'm a changed woman. Now am I not only obsessed with fashion but I am absolutely guilt free when I blow all my rent money on a pair of shoes. (Like I did today, oops!) And it's all thanks to Carrie! I am SATC OBSESSED now. The only thing I do at work besides blog and "work" is google Sex and the City and buy shoes online.

Ladies, if you haven't seen this show, and I mean every. single. episode. then go do it NOW. You can thank me later.

• I think that's all I'm going to say about it. I feel if I journey deeper into my SATC craze this post will end up about fashion.. then next thing you know the only thing this blog will be about is shoes and such. And I realllly don't want that to happen

xoxo

The Fairly Odd Child

I get a lot of kids in this joint.

Most of them babies.. that cry.. I hate babies/children in general, so when they cry.. it's war. The battle usually ends with a victory for me, by the time the child leaves they've usually learned the act of sticking out their tongue at strangers (thanks in large part to moi!) I will admit that there are some kids that come in here that I genuinely enjoy seeing, but those are few and far between.

Anyway, two dudes come in today and they each have a kid. One boy, one girl.. they're both probably 7 or 8. The boy is just WEIRD (he likes The Bee Gees, wtf?!) and the girl I've never seen before but she's wearing a rainbow printed dress so we can only assume that she's already a lesbian.

I tried avoiding them the whole time they were here but the kids kept asking me fucking questions about movies. Like where Saturday Night Fever was, I say Cult and the boy doesn't know how to say cult.. so I try explaining "it's like cunt but with a L instead." Then the primalesbian takes it to a WHOLE new level.

Kid- "Hi, what's your name?"
..at this point she holds out her hand.. WHAT THE FUCK?! Do I shake her hand? It's so small, have you ever shook an eight year old's hand?? It's like the size of my palm, fucking awkward
Me- "Miranda"
Young person- "Hi, I'm Faith*"
Me- "Hi Faith"
Child- "What's your favorite animal"
Me- "Starnosed mole"
Juvenile- "Oh, cool.. mine's a horse, I love horses! I ride horses all the time because my mom's friend has horses so I ride those and it's so fun!"
..I ignore her for a few seconds..
Bambino- "I bet you could ride horses too! Just go to a public stable!"
Me- "Like oh my god, you're probably right! I love horses too!! OMG OMG!"
..then she walks away..

Lucky for her she didn't catch onto my sarcasm, lucky for ME because I was able to capture a picture of her. Observe:

Now, it sounds like I HATE children and I'm absolutely evil and am constantly mean to them. That's not necessarily true, it's just that most children have an anti-kid radar and sense me from a mile away and know to steer clear of me.. so in retrospect I don't interact with children all that much.

I'm NOT evil! I'm just missing that child sensitivity chip that most people seem to have..

*Names have been changed

xoxo

Porno on Primetime

Shazam!

I'm thinking that if I want more people to read this then I have to start adding more pictures. Something more visually stimulating, a bunch of naked lesbians hugging maybe? I dunno.. I'm just sayin..

But actually the lesbian picture is relevant, it's a promo picture for the show The L Word on Showtime. I just started watching it since I recently finished Sex and the City (that's a whole other post.) My manager said this is like a homosexual version of SATC set in Los Angeles.. then he added that there was strong nudity and sexual content. SOLD!

The first episode was 2 episodes combined so it was like a movie and I got kinda bored of it. But then last night I watched episodes 3 and 4 and found myself oohing and aahing, it IS actually very good! Apparently it's tres chic to be a lesbian! Sign me up! (My boyfriend doesn't like it AT ALL though, I'm beginning to think he only likes movies/tv shows with dudes in them. He hates SATC AND The L Word! WTF!?)

I started bonding with the characters very quickly, taking sides and talking trash. Alice Pieszecki (played by Leisha Hailey) is my favorite so far, in the beginning I didn't like her, but after the 2nd episode her personality started shining through, beyond the rest of the cast's. And that's saying a lot considering how many damned characters there are. Though there are a ton of different people and various plots, it's not hard to keep track of what everyone's doing, not to mention WHO they're doing.. which is nice.

Five minutes into the first episode I saw 2 vaginas and 4 boobs (cue raised eyebrow).. this is going to be a wonderful show.

Jesus christ, I DOOO sound like a lesbian. Bi-curious maybe ;]

xoxo