The BFG

BIG FUCKING GEEK

I'd like to know the world we live in when a fellow employee who can't do his fucking job right would be the next manager if my current one quit. Not only does this guy lock up and leave the store for up to 10 minutes at a time to go get food (shouldn't you bring everything you're going to need for your shift BEFORE you come into work?!) but he also leaves movies for me to put away when I open the store in the morning. And he can't seem to remember to put our sign back inside when he closes. I would like to wager my credibility as a mean fucking bitch that he will not get reprimanded for that little incident. But of course if either Brain or I forgot to bring the sign inside, we'd get grilled. If it got stolen, I'D get fired.

And you know, I hate to say it because I love my manager to death, but I'm thinking he can get away with all of his bullshit because he's a close friend of my managers. He's blind to his faults. Communists! Both of them!

I'm starting to get so upset at the fact that this little dweeb is considered a good employee that I'm seriously thinking about quitting. Not only do I have to put up with Brain but I have to put up with this fucking deadbeat. They both give me panic attacks, and I don't think this is something I should have to put up with seeing as I don't have a prescription to valium. I'm honestly afraid they're going to be the ones (besides my ex boyfriend and his skank ass ho girlfriend [bitter much?] ) to contribute to my full on in store melt down. One day they're going to come in only to find me lying there naked on the bathroom floor. Eyes gouged out. (Self inflicted of course)

I mean, ok yes,.. I occasionally drink at work all the time but my manager smokes weed in the bathroom, so there's the justification in that. And I may read and blog at work, but everyone else does too, and yet I still find the time to put the movies away. I may not be a pitch perfect employee, but I'm the best one this fucking store has. I don't go above and beyond, but only because I don't get paid enough to want to. I've never received a raise in the 2 years that I've worked here, and I don't believe one will be granted in the forseeable future.

I'm thinking about calling them out for sexism. (Or should I play the racist card?)

There's only so much I can take, and I can't take no more!

xoxo

Unthinkable

I just got the most unbelievable phone call. I actually yelled at someone over the phone. I'll just post our conversation and you can think what you want about the whole thing.

Me: Videorama
Guy: Do you have the Foo Fighters Documentary?!?
Me: Hold on, let me check..
..10 seconds go by..
Me: No we don't. Sorry
Guy: That's impossible. My friend rented it from you before.
Me: Well, I looked and nothing came up under Foo Fighters.. is that the actual title?
Guy: You work at a videostore and you don't know the title? Ugh, do you have the Marilyn Manson one then?
Me: Let. Me. Check.
..20 seconds go by..
Me: I went over and looked in the documentary section and I didn't find any documentaries under Marilyn Manson nor Foo Fighters. Sorry
Guy: DO YOU EVEN HAVE A DOCUMENTARY SECTION?!?!?
Me: Uhhh yes we do. A rather LARGE documentary section.
Guy: Well, ugh, ummm.. what about Boyz II Men?!
..I slam phone down and look..
Me: NOPE
Guy: What the fuck, it would be in the documentary section
Me: I know how to do my fucking job thank you. WE DON'T HAVE ANY DOCUMENTARIES ON ANY OF THOSE BANDS.
..he talks to friends in the background..
Guy: Peter Gabriel then?
Me: No, no Peter Gabriel either.
Guy: Whatever, I'll just have to come down and look for myself then.
Me: Please don't.

Good thing my friend had just brought me Red Robin (Whiskey River!) otherwise that would have put me in a horrible mood. How do you go from Foo Fighters to Marilyn Manson to BOYZ II MEN to Peter Gabriel. Shows you what kind of dude he is. (One that likes to yell at strangers over the phone.) He didn't talk to me, he screamed at me and spoke like I didn't know how to do my job. If there's anyone that works here that knows how to do their job and do it well, it's me. I'm pretty sure I didn't do the conversation justice. My friend was here listening to the whole thing. He'll vouch for me.

After I got off the phone with him I tripple checked the documentary section to make sure that those movies weren't there. If they were there I was going to hide them behind the counter so he wouldn't be able to rent them.

I'm hungover as hell but I could definately use a beer right about now.

xoxo

Familiar Strangers

I finally created a 2nd blog.

www.mirandagoesdown.blogspot.com

Sound the horns.

xoxo

The Limits of Control

I think I'm in love (I've been telling all my friends what I feel for you)

The other night an older man came in (Ohh yeahhh) My first impression was; this one might be a total asshole. But as I started creating a new account for him he started making small talk and was very nice. I was in a good mood myself (and he was cute) so I chatted with him a bit.. I noticed he was from Washington so I asked why he moved down here. Apparently he's in the midst of a divorce (Ohh yeahhh) and he's a writer (Ohh yeahhh.)

If I play my cards right with this one..

Flirt, bend over, flirt, bat eye lashes, flirt, flirt, lick lips, flirt, tilt head back and laugh, flirt.

I guess I know what I'm doing because the next thing I know he's asking me what I think of "58 year old men." (BOOM!) "Well the funny thing about that is, 58 just barely makes my 'range of acceptible ages..." Now I know what you're thinking, 58?! To be honest, he doesn't look a day over 45 and he reminds me of Sean Connery. And he doesn't have children. (Good thing too because I'm sure they'd all be at least 15 years older than me. Awwwwkward.) I'd like to know what YOU would do in the same situation. I would hope the same. After a few minutes of talking I got kind of intimidated (ME?!) and was afraid he MIGHT actually ask me out.. so I sped things up and basically kicked the guy out. Subtlety was used of course.

A few days later he came back to return the movies and we talked more and I think I made some headway. Little by little I'm getting to know the guy and my crush over the man is growing with each day. I'll keep you posted on the juicy details of my irregular love life.

On a side note: What the FUCK is up with A. The oil spill and 2. The Republican's complaints about the President going golfing

xoxo

You Can Count on Me

Made for television.

The past couple days at work have been pretty drama free, surprisingly. I'm blaming it on the weather. (When the sun comes out, the children will play.) So I haven't really had anything new to write about. Well, here's a first.

I'm sitting on our one and only stool at work, reading,.. minding my own business. I'd just gotten off the phone with my grandmother and we decided that I'm going to go visit again within the next couple of months. Maybe even go on a weekend cruise. And she wants me to start coming down every three months because she's old and needs someone to take care of her. (I'm a good person, shocking.) So, my mood is, well, agreeable.

An older gentleman walks in, I greet him and continue reading.. he walks over to me and asks if I'll do him a favor. As long as it doesn't involve me having to be on my knees then I'm happy to help. Well it does. He asks me, get this.. TO TIE HIS SHOE FOR HIM. I look down at his shoes, then back up at him a few times. At this point I'm not certain he's for real. Is he for real?! Yes, yes he is. He has a cane so I'm thinking if he bends over he'll break his back, and honestly I kind of think he was more embarrassed than I was. Usually I'd be disinclined to help someone out in a situation like this, but I'm feeling generous. And the worst part is, I haven't worn shoes with laces since I was in Jr High so I wasn't even sure if I remembered the whole shoe tying process. I get on my knees, a position you'd think I'd be most comfortable in, and get down to business. After a grueling 6 seconds his shoes were successfully tied. I'm thinking if someone had walked in at that exact moment they would have seen only my bottom half and this old man's top half. Awkward at best.

I'm never going to tie someone else's shoe again.

xoxo

I Want Someone To Be Miserable With

Once again I've put my rather large foot in my mouth.

Not too long ago I wrote THIS post. Right after posting it I thought "I'm sure, sometime in the not too distant future, I'm going to really regret having written this." And WHAT DO YOU KNOW. My whole 'apologetic side' just doesn't quite suit me. For a moment I suppose I really did feel that way, but that moment was brief and has passed. Thankfully. I'm now back to my old apathetic self. The part I wrote that really gets me was the.. "I'm not sure if the right word to use for the way I feel about my life, as it is currently, is "Happy" but I think "Content" is a good one to start with." Ha!!! What a fucking crock of shit. I'm not able to fully remember the days events leading up to that post because of all the drugs that I took in high school but I can only assume that I was, like most days, drunk and high at work. Writing under the influence is usually a good thing, but on that day I must have got a bad batch of something, mixed in with a short foreign snippet of happiness to made me have written down and actually believed those absurd thoughts.

I've most definately lost my faith in my customers. Sure, I still get the occasional pleasant customer (like the one I'm 'seeing' now, who just happens to hate people as much as I do. Looks AND a negative attitude? Zing!) but when customers repeatedly take phone calls in the middle of ringing them up and can't seem to comprehend "third aisle down".. well, then you get a little annoyed. I would only hope that, unlike every baby owning person that comes into my work, if I was in a small store and my child started to scream and cry and pull things off the shelf, I'd yank it's tiny arm out of its socket and drag it outside. If these mothers don't start putting a binky in their babies mouth the second it belts a tune, I am going to start putting fist to gums.

And I'm sure that the small amount of people that read this (minus Kelly and Jaxun) think I'm being obnoxious and dramatic, but kids, I assure you I'm not. The rediculous people and unbelievable things that happen in this store are all things I believe SOMEONE should be complaining about. And complaining hard. Last week a little girl took off her pants and started running around naked in the store. As cute as it was for the first 5 seconds, it was also extremely awkward for me and the customers that were perusing the aisles. I believe I can speak for the other 3 people that were in the store at that time when I say "I'm definately not trying to see a toddlers junk."

Dear god, I really need to start another blog so I can write about all the other shit I put up with in my life. If you only knew...

Only wine can save me now

xoxo