Hey sista GO sistahhh

If you're into rad movies and live in Portland, OR there's no reason why you shouldn't be going to the Grindhouse Film Festival (unless you're like me and get dooped by some dude and don't have the guts to go alone.)

Here's the link http://www.grindhousefilmfest.com/


Last Saturday they played Torso and because of an unforseen situation (read above) I didn't go and I've been kicking myself ever since. Don't you go thinkin' I'm gonna miss Demons though!


Feb. 13th they're playing "Creepers".. apparently that's what the kids are calling "Phenomena" these days.


See ya there! (IT'S A BEER THEATER)

BYYYYY the way, 'presents' and 'directed' are two completely different things. Argento did NOT direct Demons, just like Del Toro did NOT direct The Orphanage

xoxo

Master of Horror

Caution: A namedropping post so horrorific even Miss Cody would envy

I've had a "Miranda's Picks" section for about a year now and it's a pain in my fucking ass. I'm constantly having to switch the old out for the new and my taste in movies is quite different from the average customer. It always takes me forever to pick movies out that I think the usual suspect will enjoy. So, after a week or so of thinking it over, I finally decided- fuck the customer, these are MY picks!! Thus "Miranda's HORROR Picks" was born!




For a self proclaimed horror buff, I found it surprisingly difficult to pick out a varied selection. I didn't dare touch the classics, them being the obvious choices.. (Nightmare on Elm St., Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, Halloween, Reanimator, Phantasm, Dawn of the Dead, Dracula, Frankenstein, Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby) and I also didn't want to just throw all my favorite horror directors' movies in there and call it MY section.. (Argento, Fulci, Craven, Romero, Carpenter, Hitchcock, Bava, DePalma) I stood infront of the horror section for about half hour without picking up a single movie,.. truth be told, I took a vicodin prior so I think I was just pretty spaced out. (Helloooo chronic backpain!) I eventually came back to Earth and just demolished the aisle.


Here's what I came up with:

1. Inside
2. Demons
3. The Thing
4. Jaws
5. Scream
6. Poltergeist
7. Pet Sematary
8. My Bloody Valentine ('81 DUH)
9. Opera
10. The Serpant & The Rainbow
11. Stigmata
12. The Ring
13. Cabin Fever
14. Candyman
15. Cold Prey
16. Black Sheep
17. Them
18. Severance
19. Frontier(s)
20. House of 1000 Corpses
21. High Tension

Looking over the movies, most have a lot in common.. I've fallen head over heels for French horror (Inside, Them, Frontier(s), High Tension) and British comedy/horror (Severance, Shaun of The Dead) I DID grab some classics (The Thing, Jaws, Scream, Pet Sematary, Poltergeist) and then I put some in there that are.. Ohh I don't know.. sentimental for me (Opera, Stigmata, The Ring)

The people that don't agree with my choices can go fuck their mother

Honorable Mention: 30 Days of Night, 28 Days Later, American Werewolf in London, Chaos, Children of the Corn, Childs Play, Dagon, Hatchet, Hills Have Eyes, House on Haunted Hill, Last House on the Left, Night Train Murders, Slumber Party Massacre

• If you want to see a movie that, after watching, you'll wish you'd never seen.. then I recommend Chaos. It's the most brutal movie ever made. It made me puke.

And I know I forgot a lot of really good ones, but I fully intend on rotating these out for others

xoxo

What the What?!

I think I've had it. I either need to find a new job stat or take copious amounts of happy go lucky pills to cure my increasing need to scream and cuss out my customers. It's getting bad.

WHAT THE FUCK is up with people dropping movies off in the inbox outside and then coming strait inside to rent more movies?! Why not bring the frackin movies inside with you and drop them off INSIDE?!?! Doesn't that make more sense?! I've got absolutely ZERO respect for the people that do this. I want them dead. Like yesterday.

And apparently everyone that calls into the store is def as F or they don't know which end of the phone goes to their ear. I'm gonna say 4 out of 5 phone calls start out..

Me: Videorama!

Dumbfuck: Hello?

Me: Yes?

Def fuck: Is this Videorama?

Me: Well, that IS what I just said, so what do you think?

Swear I'm not whispering into the phone.

Just so everyone knows, when you call into this store, more likely than not I'm making faces at you through the phone and pretending to shoot myself.

And don't EVER call the store to see when a movie comes out. EVER. Or I will make it my personal mission to make your experience here as uncomfortable as possible. You seeeriously can't go online and figure it out for yourself?

I don't get paid enough for this shit.

xoxo

Oh, and speaking of Avatar. WHOA. I shall be posting about it shortly. (Meaning when my mood decides to chill the fuck out.)

I is Goonie too!

Welllll last Tuesday my girlfriend and I decided to be rad and spontaneous and take a mini road trip for the day. The Goonies is one of the best movies of all time (and no that's not my opinion, it's fact) so Astoria seemed the obvious choice.

Right when we got there we had beer and hamburgers on the waterfront.. OF course.

After that we made fools of ourselves and acted like tourists while taking picture after picture infront of The Goonie house and the County Jail.. we also saw the bowling alley where Chunk smooshed his strawberry milkshake and pepperoni pizza against the window. Kindergarten Cop wasn't forgotten and we took pictures infront of the school as well.

I'm not able to upload pictures at the moment, but thankfully I took some pictures with my phone and was able to send them to my gmail.

Enjoy my beauties.

And wouldn't you know, as we were leaving I get texts from people back in Portland saying it was snowing like hellllla! (I was way bummed that I was going to miss all the whiteness and joy the snow brings.) Fast forward an hour and we're stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on I5 southbound. Miss brainiac over here (that would be moi) decided to drink a Rockstar right as we were exiting Astoria and had to pee extremely bad. So bad my bladder actually HURT. Too bad for me though because there was no chance of us getting off at an exit because the next one was 4 miles away. I braced myself for the moment where I'd end up having to pee in the waterbottle at my feet. A miserable FIVE HOURS LATER we make it to the ramp that was only FOUR MILES AWAY. We stop at New Seasons, I pee, we get back in the car.. and the son of a bitch died on us, then we had to find someone to electrocute the car. I finally got home and drank my weight in beer.

All in all I'd say the trip was a success.

xoxo

Oh, and of course we had to stop by and say hello to my friend Jake!

You Talkin To ME?!

More importantly, you FUCKIN with me?!

You won't believe what just happened.

I don't believe what just happened.

Some guy just walked into my work and all he says is "Hey, call me a cab? Thanks."

I just stared at him for a few seconds, unable to process what he ACKtually just said to me.

"Do I look like a bar to you? This aint no hotel lobby home-skillet, I work at a mother fucking VIDEOSTORE. If you've got their number I'll be extremely generous and let you use my telephone."

He in turn says "I'm from L.A." ..looks at me like I'M the dumb one and then walks out to meet his ho in heels. WHO, by the way, has a cellphone in her hand.

I shouldn't even be surprised. Guess this is what I get for not getting myself an 'education' at a fancy school

xoxo