Why So Sarcastic?

Talk about ruining a lady's self esteem for a good 3 months. A 'friend' (and by friend I mean not a friend) was just in and we were bouncing banter off one another's platter when he said something about me gaining weight. HOLD THE PHONE.

"I've just you know.. noticed that you've gained some weight. No big deal, it's probably your birth control"

"I'm not on birth control you shit stain!"

"Well I was just saying, I noticed it a little in your jowls. It's ok, I've gained some weight too. You can still be hot if you're chunky!"

"Yeah, there's a lot of sexiness under these rolls of mine."

First of all, who uses the word JOWLS anymore? Seriously who says that? Second, I just got called fat. Basically. What is up with my 'friends' these days?! I'm constantly referring to them with quotations when I call them friends, they say I'm not funny when really I am, they call me immature when infact I'm very wise for being only 22 (I'm a Democrat) and as of late they believe me to be boxed in the overweight category. And people wonder why I deleted my Facebook and Twitter (other than the main reason being I stalked my ex boyfriend waaaay too much. Like, "eat ice cream out of the carton in bed and cry to movies we used to watch together" too much. Things I still do to this day.)

Under any normal circumstances this little comment would have left me running towards my fridge for Flamin' Hot Cheetos (yes I keep my chips in the fridge) and pickles dipped in champagne.. but this wasn't any normal circumstance. Oh no it wasn't. Right before my friend called me Gigantic, two 18 year olds came in asking where a payphone was, and I'm pretty sure those haven't existed since 1993 so I let one of them use our phone. But then he couldn't remember his grandpa's phone number, so I let him plug his charger into my outlet (eh eh eh) and after I gave him his phone back, guess what he threw at me! A bunched up 5 dollar bill. Psh yeah. Talk about lucky day. I'm gonna use this sucker to buy me a cocktail at the Say Anything concert that I just so happen to be attending tonight. (ALONE might I add.) I plan on getting crosseyed drunk and taking home the very married Max Bemis. That little Eisley bitch better watch her skanky back. Out on the prowwwwwwwl.

Yummayyyyyyyyy


xoxo